Just remember. Don't swear...
when you meet my parents later.
And yes, no fighting!
Got it!
I'll just talk about red & green beans ice.
I wouldn't fight at your place even if I wanted to.
Hey, damn you!
Do you know how to drive?
What? Haven't you heard of Lover's Turn?
Damn you!
I'll kill you, you piece of shit.
What did I tell you?
Have you forgotten?
Fine, I'll control my temper.
You do that!
I doubt that you'll act like a man
...in front of your girlfriend.
Miss, I'm not telling you off.
Look at him! You're probably his...
first girlfriend at his old age; I pity him.
Shut up! You piece of shit!
Fine, I'll control my temper.
Where are you going?
I just realized that I went the wrong way, so?
Shit! I can't hold my temper anymore!
Can you control your bad temper?
Be careful,
don't let me bump into you again.
What if you do? Bite me.
Let's go.
Come in.
Your aunt and your cousin are here.
Come on in.
What do you do, Mr. Fei?
I work in a night club.
I look after our clients' well-being and their...
belongings, also to make sure everything's in order.
Security guard.
Shit...
Have some fruits.
Mr. Fei, you've known Jenny for a long time now.
Do you plan on getting married?
Yes.
I've been saving up for years.
I want to eat her papaya milk ice,
I have no choice.
Papaya milk ice?
Right, he talks nonsense when he's hungry.
I can't eat all these.
My son, Xiang has known Jenny
...since they were children.
Marriage is a serious matter, you should think twice.
Take my son,
good income, good temper.
Unlike some people; no manners!
No class.
Are you saying that I have no manners?
Shit! Green beans ice! You!
Hey! Stop it.
What if I won't?
I told you not to fight.
I didn't.
Fan.
I'm fine, don't worry.
I'll just need to go inside and cool off.
How could you be so rude?
What did you hit him for?
Fan, are you all calm now?
Yes, very calm.
I've decided calmly to beat him into
...a cup of ice.
Hey, stop it.
Or I'll call the police.
Mind your own business, old man.
Shut up.
Or I'll beat the crap out of you.
Hey, how could you beat up a senior?
You have such a bad temper.
How can I let my daughter marry you?
It's not my loss.
What's the big deal?
All my ex girlfriends' parents
got beaten up...
by me badly.
Fan, I'm sorry to have met you.
Alright, let's call it quits.
Damn you!
What are you looking at?
Shit!
Get the hell out! All of you!
Bad luck for you.
Get out!
Heart broken again.
I'm afraid that...
I'll never find a girlfriend in my life.
Who is it?
Who're you looking for?
Excuse me,
this is our flat.
Fine!
Big flipping deal!
Wait.
I bought these.
I'm out of here.
Hey, you with your presents.
So it didn't go well?
Shall I drive you to Central...
and help you find the tallest building there?
I must thank God,
for showing me a target
at a time like this.
So?
Nothing important,
I'm just going to beat the crap out of you.
Attention, 167 calling the base.
Please call everyone here.
Come to Beacon Hill right now,
Ted is getting beaten up.
Help.
What's this? Some kind of reinforcement?
I'm not scared of you.
Help.
Don't worry.
He's an asshole.
I saw you were beating him up,
I'm telling others to cheer on you.
Enjoy the show.
Don't worry. Beat him up.
Just ignore us, keep going...
Stop it.
Strange, why isn't she here yet?
She appears at 5:10 everyday.
Could something have happened?
You don't have to fantasise about a dream lover.
Look for the right target.
Take a picture together,
write a song together.
Tried and failed for 62 times already.
Why do I back off every time?
It will work this time, charge.
Hey...
It's natural for young boys
and girls to fall in love.
Everyone is in love.
No matter what happens,
it's more relaxing to behave naturally.
One may get hurt when wooing a girl.
Miss, your book.
Don't think about it too much,
go for it if you like someone!
Fanny, Fanny
You don't have to fantasise about a dream lover.
Look for the right target.
It's over, oh no!
Take a picture together,
write a song together.
Put in all your efforts to find a lover.
Don't be afraid of obstacles.
Always having some crazy idea.
Trying to keep a good image.
Taxi
go for it if you like someone!
Taxi
Hurry.
I'm useless, I'll never find a girlfriend.
What did you do?
Speak up.
I didn't do anything.
Trust me, mother-in-law.
I honestly didn't.
I have no idea.
Mother-in-law,
I didn't steal yourjade bracelet.
I didn't...
Poor girl!
Got bullied by her mother-in-law!
I don't want to live either.
Trust me, mother-in-law.
Speak up.
Don't play innocent.
I can't hold back my tears.
The soup's boiling.
I was too occupied knitting.
Hello.
Hello, Jing?
Yes, Didi. Why don't you come up?
The soup's ready.
Come downstairs.
What for?
Just meet me downstairs.
Fine.
Didi.
Xi Jiejing (detergent)
My surname is Xin! I've told you many times.
I'm used to calling you that.
Come upstairs for soup, we'll chat.
I need your measurements for a sweater.
Come on, let's have a chat.
Up to this day,
I've already saved
56,430 dollars.
I've decided to eat one lunch box everyday.
And steal food from my neighbor.
I won't buy any more Cosmopolitan.
Instead of subway, I'll walk; I'll lose weight too.
I'll sew my own clothes from now on.
Who knows?
I might be able to marry you in five years time.
Wait for me.
I can't marry you, Jing.
I get it! You've learnt this
from watching television.
It's a joke.
I've watched that.
I'm getting married next week.
Dear friends.
It's time for Love Pain Killer.
I'm Tan Yulun.
Waiting for your calls.
Remember.
I'll help you to woo girls and guys.
I'll help you to get back with your ex.
Any problems regarding puberty,
menopause...
Call me at 54088.
Alright, let's take the
first call of the night.
Hello, what's your name?
Why won't you return my calls?
The phone lines often get interrupted here.
Let's listen to another caller.
Hi, I'm Tan Yulun, you are...
If you won't return my calls, I'll...
Too many interruptions.
Could I remind my friend in the control room
to pick some proper calls?
Hello, I'm Tan Yulun, you are...
I don't have faults...
except I like gambling and playing cards.
Play some pool, and going to clubs.
I earn three thousand dollars a month,
I give her two hundred for groceries.
I wash my hair three times in two weeks,
and she complains about the smell.
She complains about my temper.
Even I hit her,
she only needed two stitches,
it's not like she was admitted.
Tell me, do you think she's wrong?
Exactly.
She should have left you ages ago.
Next.
Hello, Love Pain Killer.
I don't want to live anymore.
There's no fun in life.
Hey mister, what are you doing?
I'll commit suicide.
Tan Yulun.
The caller claims he's going to commit suicide,
go to the scene now.
Do I have to go?
Jump with him if you wouldn't.
What's going on?
Asshole.
Justjump,
why is he making such noises? I'll go and yell at him.
Mr. Xin, this is Tan Yulun.
Wait for me before you do anything.
Yes... l'll be right over.
Yes.
Dear listeners, I'm Tan Yulun,
I'm on my way
to cover the suicide of Mr. Xin.
Stay tuned.
Later.
I must die.
Excuse me, what's going on?
Is there a show?
Better, someone's going to jump off the building.
Jump off the building?
Look.
Friend.
Think twice.
Don't do it.
Calm down.
Jump, jump.
What are you doing? Are you human?
How could you be so cruel?
Mind your own business.
I work as a volunteer for Samaritans.
Nuts.
Never mind.
Jump, jump.
Wait, my friend.
- Don't do it. - Jump!
I'm coming up.
I must die.
Get down here, you rat.
Don't try to talk me out of it,
let me die.
Go on then.
Shut up.
Do you need me to give you a push?
If you don't mind being sued for murder,
go on.
I'm dying in the name of love.
You? You're a sissy.
What? You fought with your boyfriend?
That's an insult.
My girlfriend's getting married,
but I'm not the groom.
That David stole my girl.
Last time I went for the dummy replica...
I should have stabbed him instead.
No wonder.
You got dumped!
Do you have to be so direct?
What's the big deal?
I was dumped too.
We're on the same boat.
What? You were dumped too?
What's your name?
Fei Changfan (trouble maker)
Where do you frequent?
I usually go...
Are you nuts? You work in a night club?
Mister.
You've scared us.
Listen, don'tjump.
This sissy won't have the guts to jump.
Fine if you won't!
I don't want to live anymore.
I'll jump if you won't.
Don't.
It's high up.
Don't pull me.
Listeners, I'm at the scene.
Move over, ready for broadcast.
Mr. Xin, who are they?
Right, I'll be right up.
Listeners, I'm going up.
I mustjump, don't pull.
Stop it.
You must be Mr. Xin, I'm Tan Yulun.
I'm Xin Jiejing.
So you were dumped,
learn from it.
You should dump them next time.
But I don't want to dump her.
Exactly! All women are heartless,
I'll die in front of them,
so that they will regret for their whole life.
They will suffer.
Women like Brigitte Lin, Cherie Chung & Maggie Cheung
...are everywhere.
Go for another one if you fail one.
What if you can't woo anyone?
You couldn't?
No.
Me neither.
Don't worry, I'm an expert.
I've helped many on my show,
I'm sure I can help you,
if you want.
I can give you intensive training,
I guarantee you'll get the girl.
- Really? - Is it true?
Have I lied to you so far?
You have a point.
But we've just met.
Wait.
Dear listeners, I'm Tan Yulun.
Everything is under control now.
Mr. Xin is fine now,
he won't try to kill himself.
You can rest now, good night.
So?
Can you really help us, Mr. Tan?
To impress our dream girls?
I wish to learn.
Are you lying?
Why would I?
The one-month cram course is the best,
food and lodging included.
Theories and practical work.
I'll only charge you 39,400 dollars.
That's a rip-off.
This house belongs to my girlfriend's aunt.
I take it as my home.
It's big.
You're home.
What's for snack?
It's egg pudding; do you like?
It's dessert again?
You know that I have fillings?
What do you want to eat?
Whatever.
I'll take it out.
Let me help you.
Forget it.
You don't need to help.
Didn't you work enough in your past life?
It's fine... l'll get it myself.
My slippers.
We have guests, introduce yourself.
My name is Mei Youkong (busy)
Alright, go inside.
I thought she's a maid.
Why can't I find a good maid like her?
How much do you pay her?
Are you kidding?
She asks me if I have enough to spend.
Come sit here.
She's your girlfriend, right?
Who cares.
I give her five hundred every month,
and I have big feasts every day.
Sit.
Five hundred only?
That's not enough even for fried rice.
She could steal from her mom.
Women like her,
is like a piece of washing cloth,
durable.
Just keep her in the kitchen,
when she's all worn out, dump her.
It works better than hiring a maid.
What's the point? You can't bring her out.
You can have more than one girlfriend.
It's like wearing shoes.
Slippers at home are the most comfortable,
they fit you the best,
and low maintenance.
You wear a pair of new leather shoes to go out,
they might not fit you perfectly,
but you can impress others.
Thanks. What shoes?
Mind your own business.
Don't interrupt when adults are talking.
Sorry, it's my fault.
She's like a robot.
Now you know how good I am.
The money is worth it.
I'm willing to give if it really works.
Stupid ass! You should at least bargain.
No discount.
It depends on what your goals are,
we can negotiate the price.
So you're saying, touching her hand is the cheapest,
kissing her will cost more,
as for sleeping with her...
You're so filthy.
What filthy?
It's good to be clear.
Say a word more & I'll punch you!
Don't come near, I'll beat you.
Shut up.
I need to do an experiment first,
I need to know why you failed.
Take me as a girl,
try to pick me up.
Are you nuts?
It doesn't work.
You're a man.
We're not gay.
That's right, I'm straight.
Come here, Mei Youkong.
Why are you tidying up?
Do it later.
Come over here, let them woo you.
Don't you love me anymore?
Stand in for me.
Don't give me the puppy eyes.
Forget it.
Who's first?
You.
This is your first time you see her,
go on! Start.
No way! I can't.
Why not?
I can if you can't.
Move over.
Alright, I'll go.
Miss, let's go for a cup of coffee.
How? I don't know you.
Of course you don't.
We still haven't had a coffee together.
I want to sleep with you.
Come home with me,
Or I'll beat the crap out of you.
That's enough... you say terrible things.
Go.
Your turn.
Do I know her or not?
Whatever.
What's your name, miss?
Mei Youkong.
Miss Mei Youkong.
Come home with me,
I'll cook you bean curd soup, fried vegetables,
and chicken wings for you.
I could also make steaks, pork chops
or deep fried chicken breasts for you.
Alright, stop...
I know your problem now.
It's a big problem, go.
Next.
I can cook a lot of things.
Pretend you're on a bus.
What about the underground?
I met her there.
Whatever.
It's moving.
He's tall,
you're short, grab another one.
You two, be passengers.
"Next station is Tsim Sha Tsui."
Sorry.
Miss, I...
Are you talking to me?
No, I've got the wrong person.
Got it.
You're too shy.
You're too rude.
You're a sissy.
And you?
What about me?
Go back to the kitchen.
Alright.
Before I tell you the solution,
hand out seven hundred and fifty dollars first.
So soon?
What?
Listen, the money isn't an issue.
But if I can't pick up any girls afterwards,
I'll hunt your whole family down, burn down the place.
Count on me, hand it over.
So, do you have any targets?
I do.
I like Beibei the TV actress.
I like Fanny in the underground.
I don't have any.
Stupid.
Alright, let's pick one at night school.
"Sheng Yuqiang Night School"
We're here to register.
Which grade?
Which grade has the prettiest girls?
Girls are prettier in F.3 class,
more decent in F. 4 class.
Which class then?
F.4 of course.
Tuition fee is 300, miscellaneous expenses- 200,
a $100 deposit, three hundred for registration,
five hundred for deposit.
Total $1,140
Why do you need to pay deposit?
In case you'll break school properties.
And we'll call the ambulance if you pass out.
Why would I pass out if I study here?
Do you know Judo and Wing Chuen Fist?
No.
Exactly. Hand over the money.
Let's find a seat.
Shit.
You tripped me?
What if I did?
Fuck off.
Sorry, it's my fault.
You've got some guts!
They are in the gangs.
So am I.
Birds of the same feather flock together.
Yes, you're with the black sheep.
Hey, what are you doing?
Don't be such a princess.
Can't I touch you?
I'll charge you if you continue.
I'm enjoying this.
Move over.
This is worse than the discos without licenses.
It's complicated studying in this kind of school.
You'll get used to it.
I've looked around,
I don't see any potential targets here.
Be patient, you never know.
The teacher is here.
Everyone, your regular teacher is off sick.
I'm covering for her.
I'm Li Chuhong.
What? Her?
Nice.
Go on then!
Let's start at chapter seven.
Active and passive voice.
What the hell?
What are you doing?
Shut up and don't interrupt the class.
Shut up.
Miss Li, he played a trick on you.
It's him... him and him.
Hey! You set us up!
Who did?
Trying to get yourself killed?
Confessing now?
Since I walked in,
I've found you three very annoying.
Listen! I'm getting even for our teacher.
Stop it.
Piece of shit!
Beat the hell out of you!
Where are you running to?
Stop it.
You interrupt the class,
and you've hurt your fellow classmates.
Go stand outside.
Are you serious, teacher?
I'm the one who got hurt here.
Get out.
What? Chaos.
It's almost done, come.
You are an adult, you should have self-control.
What are you studying for?
Too woo girls.
That's right, he likes you a lot.
You two go for a coffee later,
then heading to a disco,
he'll treat you to a late dinner afterwards.
Please respect yourselves.
She walks with rhythm.
What now?
What do you mean?
Tail her of course.
She isn't going anywhere.
Go! Go!
Are you stalking me?
No.
It was my fault earlier.
That bunch of assholes,
way out of line.
What do you want?
Nothing, just give me a chance
to apologize.
Fine, apology accepted.
Stop following me.
Why don't you keep going?
How?
She told me not to follow her.
What can I do?
Following her home? I'm not trying to rob her.
What is it?
I was tailed
by a few men.
So daring, huh!
What's going on?
Nothing, go to your room.
I'm kicking butts.
It's him.
Call Fanny,
we could use some help.
Fanny is a guest, and she's pampered.
I'll be fine on my own.
Why don't you keep going?
It's not that easy...
Beibei!
You four have some nerves,
stalking my friend?
I'll kill you...
You've got the wrong person.
Twist your own ears.
Stop it, sorry.
Watch him.
I'll go after the others.
Sorry, please stop.
I'm sorry. I'm no good.
Never mind, stop it.
It's your unlucky day.
Go tell your friends,
who dares to follow my friend again,
I'll cut his thing off, let' s go.
Stop it.
What kind of a woman is she?
Are you alright?
The physical pain is nothing, my heart hurts more.
That woman
is exactly the opposite of her name,
she is so vicious.
You two are useless.
Practise more
and we'll come back.
Sure.
Which one is she?
I've been waiting for three hours.
Be patient, I think she'll be here soon.
Does she take the underground everyday?
Yes.
Where does she go to work?
Dunno.
What's her name?
I just know her as "Fanny".
Have you spoken to her?
No.
Then how could you be in love with her?
I'm not sure whether I am.
But when I don't see her,
I feel uneasy.
When I see her,
my heart keeps pounding very fast.
After I've seen her,
I feel really strange.
And I am disappointed if she doesn't show up.
Time is money for me.
A thousand an hour.
I've been waiting for three hours.
You owe me three thousand.
Can we wait for a little bit longer?
Sure, as long as you will pay.
She should be here any minute now.
If we wait here like this everyday,
I think I could buy a new flat soon.
I want to wait a bit.
Do you want me to stay?
No thanks. I ran out of cash.
Alright, since you've spent so much already,
I'll teach you a trick.
When you see her, tell yourself
that no matter what, you'll go ahead.
Say it out loud.
No matter what, I'll go ahead.
Excuse me, my name is He Matong (toilet bowl)
It's late, Matong.
Why are you sitting here?
I'm waiting for you.
Waiting for me?
Have you waited for long?
I had to work over time today.
Yes, I've been waiting since the afternoon.
The last train has left.
Are you heading home?
It's still early, let's go for a bite.
A bite? Us?
That's right, I'll take you to a good place,
I'm sure you'll like it, come on.
Sit... what do you want to eat?
What's good here?
Everything, what do you want to eat?
Two bottles of beer,
Snails in black bean sauce,
deep fried prawns, anything else?
Whatever.
A "whatever"
Fried Crabs.
Right away.
Do you come here often?
Everyday, do you have a light?
Sorry. I don't smoke.
Hey buddy, can I borrow a light?
Thanks.
What do you do?
I... l'm a research student in university.
I work part time in an advertising agency.
College student? Cool!
My ex-boyfriends are all good-for-nothings.
The most qualified one works in a nightclub.
You are the most qualified one I know.
What are your hobbies?
Many, I love disco dancing,
playing pool,
playing mahjong...
I love watching movies...
those by Wang Jing are really low-brow, I love those.
Your beer.
Great.
Come on, let's play a guessing game.
I don't know how.
You don't? It's easy.
Can I not play?
Then you'll have to drink.
The dishes are here.
Eat up.
It's good, isn't it?
This hasn't been washed properly, better eat the crabs.
What was that?
Ignore them.
Eat up.
Hurry.
Mind your own business, assholes.
Who's talking to you? What are you looking at?
Don't quarrel with them, let's go.
What?
We shouldn't stay long, let's go.
What about the food?
Forget it, I'll see you home.
Why going home so early, you fool.
We can take a walk in TST east, let's go.
Come here.
Let's take a look.
It's so quiet and nice at night.
So expensive,
but I like them.
What do you do?
I'm at a financial co., specialized in debt collection.
Does anyone owe you money? I can help.
No thanks.
I haven't done this in a while.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No, no one wants to woo me.
Do you?
Shit, BB hasn't eaten.
Who's BB?
My son.
He's only had a moon cake since yesterday.
He must be starving.
Don't worry, he won't die.
But a moon cake at this time?
That's last year's moon cake.
Shit! Shit!
Last year's? How old is your son?
One.
He ate up the whole moon cake?
Yes.
What about your husband?
Where is he?
He died, he was killed in a fight.
Then, do you have any other boyfriends?
Few of them got killed in fights,
no one wants me.
No one dares.
I'm going home.
Give me your number, I'll call you.
Fine if you don't want to.
I do.
I live at Tan Yulun's place.
Tan Yulun of Love Pain Killer?
Right?
Yes.
Let's go play pool sometime, bye.
I almost forgot.
It's a gift.
Tell me,
why did you tie me up like this?
To train you not to swear.
Red bean ice, green bean ice, shit, fuck...
You like eating ice?
Listen to this!
Damn your Red bean ice.
Damn your Taro ice.
Damn your Green bean ice.
Shit!
Damn!
Damn your Red bean ice...
Stop swearing.
One slap for every time you swear.
Damn your Red beans...
I like red beans soup.
Sorry, sorry.
That's right.
Say something nice, and you can eat chicken.
Some entertainment.
So?
What do you think?
It's good. Watch for 24 hours.
Bloody damn...
Sorry, sorry.
Take your time.
How long do I have to do this?
I'm tired.
I run a small business here,
work harder being the robot.
This movie is so violent,
can I not watch it?
So? Did you enjoy it?
Yes.
Wish you wealth, babies and all that you desire.
I want to throw up.
Let's watch another one.
One Armed Swordsman vs the Five Horns Beast.
Thanks,
but no.
Do you want some ice?
No.
Then what?
I want to sleep with your mom.
Damn!
You're in big trouble.
It's late,
why did you bring me here?
I'm used to go to sleep
after watching the night show.
It's just the same.
This way!
No! Don't play tricks!
It's dirty here.
You should come here often,
you can become a tough guy.
How?
What? What?
Don't do it.
Asshole.
We're surrounded by niggers.
Let's go.
Can't you speak properly?
They are gangs.
Gangs?
Louder.
Gangs.
Let's play a game.
Sure.
Read it out loud.
Eat
To
Come
Dogs
Shit
Here
Stupid
Read it out loud.
Piece of cake.
Stupid dogs come here to eat shit.
Who are you referring to?
Listen to you!
You're unbelievable.
I don't want to sit with you.
What are you doing?
I don't know you.
What were you saying?
What's the big deal?
Stupid dogs...
Let me.
You're back.
Good afternoon.
Hi.
Who's she?
My lunch date,
Ichiban.
Go upstairs.
Alright.
She has big tits.
Wait for me after your shower.
I've already found out
where Li Chuhong volunteers at.
Don't worry.
And you, I've arranged you
to be a dancer at the TV station.
What about me?
Going well.
I'll think about it later.
Now, I'm going to enjoy my lunch date.
What if your woman comes back?
She's gone to Lantau island.
She couldn't be back so soon,
unless there's a ship collision.
I'm going upstairs.
Nonsense.
What's the big deal?
Ship collision?
Are you alright?
How did you know?
It was scary.
It's even more scary now.
What's the noise?
No, no one's upstairs.
I could hear a woman's voice.
It's lip sync.
Yes, lip sync.
He's practising.
Why? What for?
He's learning it
because he doesn't know how to.
He's doing it for you.
Youkong.
You...
What are you doing?
Yulun, why did you bring a woman home?
How could you?
You...
You... what?
You...
Get dressed.
Scream, is that all you can do?
What's she doing in our bed?
What woman?
Do you see a woman?
Of course.
They said so.
You're the woman.
What woman are you talking about?
Unless this place is haunted?
Who's the woman in heels?
Woman in heels?
Do you see any?
No.
No. No woman.
Here she comes...
What? Where?
You could see the dead?
Youkong, Youkong.
Don't go.
Youkong.
I think that you're just too tired,
you're just neurotic.
Neurotic? Me?
It's simple, who's he?
Fei Changfan.
No! I'm Xin Jiejing.
And him?
Matong.
I'm Fei Changfan.
And who am I?
Matong.
Wrong again! I'm Tan Yulun.
You got all mixed up!
You've gone mad!
You need some rest.
Don't cook today,
just wax the floors, clean the windows,
wash the car, do the laundry,
fix the leak upstairs,
and then go grocery shopping.
Then you can sleep.
Do I have to mend your socks?
Whatever, just go.
Don't interrupt my nap.
You're really worst!
That was close.
You three can't even deal with her.
Fat boy, where's Matong?
She's looking for you.
Hi, say hello to Uncle.
Don't bother.
I'm going inside.
Have a seat.
Nice place.
Good environment too.
Play on your own, good boy.
A relative called me
to join her for a mahjong game.
I have to go.
Watch him for me, he's a good kid.
Don't cry, say Hi to Uncle.
Good boy.
Can I borrow five hundred from you? I need the money.
I need the money to gamble, will pay you back.
Thanks.
BB, come here.
Uncle Matong will take care of you.
Good boy.
Do you want a banana?
I'm off, bye.
Hey! You three,
don't bully my boyfriend and my son,
Or I'll beat the crap out of you.
What do you see in her?
Do you know her well?
No, we ate together once.
He wet his pants.
I'll change his diapers.
What for? You know how?
Youkong?
I'm on the roof.
I know.
So annoying, just leave him outside,
he can play on his own.
Three "two"s!
Wait! Four "ace"s!
I win! Royal flush!
You all lose!
I'm good! I win!
Pay up!
Pay up your ass!
Who knows if you had any tricks.
I'll attack your ass.
Stop making slanderous accusations!
Drop it!
Where's BB?
BB's gone.
You've lost her son!
Stop kidding.
I'm dead.
Let's look!
BB's over there.
You're here,
why didn't you say so? We've been looking for you.
Look, you're dirty.
This is so touching, family reunion.
I'll attack your ass.
What family?
BB, I'm back.
Your mom's back.
Good boy.
That was quick, finished playing mahjong?
Of course! I was lucky.
I had all the good tiles!
I just played four games.
And I won so much.
The bitches were pissed off,
I had to leave.
I've brought you some food, eat up.
No thanks, I don't need a handout.
I'll eat.
Big deal if you don't. Come, BB.
You ate from the bin?
I've got food for you.
Are you busy tonight? Let's go for a spin.
I don't have a car.
Me neither.
But we can borrow one.
I know Peter from Changle Street very well.
My ex used to
...borrow his car for a spin.
Your ex?
Killed in a car crash.
Are you going?
Better not.
Whatever.
Forget it.
I'm off, bye.
Good news, Fei Changfan.
What? Taking care of a senior?
Yes, volunteering.
She takes care of an old man
called Uncle Lai once a week.
What's in it for me?
You wanna know? Pay up and I'll talk.
Pay up your ass! All you know is money.
No? Forget it then.
I'll pay... I didn't say I won't.
If it doesn't work,
I'll hunt down your whole family.
Pay Uncle Lai two hundred dollars,
pretend that you're his mentally retarded son.
She's a volunteer, she'll take care of you.
She'll feed you,
wash you, rub your back.
Even a massage! You think it's worth it?
What's the name of Uncle Lai's son?
Lai Hama (toad)
Hurry.
Two hundred.
Just look at this! It's worth it.
What about him?
Easy, lock him in the closet.
That's a bit over the top.
He's a man too.
Right,
the one who pretends to be him isn't one.
Go inside to play.
Don't make a sound.
Aren't you used to hiding inside?
Go in.
She's here.
Sorry son.
I'm sorry.
Uncle Lai, hello.
Hello.
Miss Li?
Yes.
My son Lai Hama.
Big sister.
My younger son, mentally retarded.
Big sister.
He looks familiar.
They all look kind of similar.
You're very pretty.
Uncle Lai, what can I help?
There's a hole on the roof,
could you fix it?
Sure.
I want to help too.
Sure.
I'll hold this.
Sorry, are you alright?
So? Poor thing.
Big sister.
Sorry.
Poor thing.
I'll give you a hug.
I'm sorry to have hurt you.
Don't cry, come here.
I'm sorry to have hurt you.
Don't cry.
Poor thing.
My wife died many years ago.
I want my mom...
Don't cry, Lai Hama.
I'll buy you some candies alright?
Don't cry.
I'll buy you some candies alright?
Calm down, Uncle Lai.
Don't be sad.
What are you doing? Stop it.
I'm hitting my head.
Stop it, are you hurt?
I like you.
Don't do that again,
you know? Come here.
Good boy.
Mom.
Don't bump your head again,
got it?
Got it.
It hurts.
Oh, an ant on your chest. It won't hurt if I hit it.
Hey, what are you doing?
Come on, pal.
I'm just pretending.
Pretending of what? I don't know you.
Lai Pi, what are you doing back?
I've lost all my money,
I have to come back.
Who's he?
Your younger brother.
Big brother.
You've been away quite long, don't you recognize him?
Big brother...
I want my share.
Right.
You should know what to do.
It's easy enough if you wanna play my younger brother.
I want the double
of what ever you gave my father.
Or else...
Double your ass.
Forget it.
I'm not going to pay you both.
Resist? Fine.
Little brother.
When you were young I couldn't look after you.
Now I can spend more time with you.
Lady, you can take care of my dad from now on,
I can take care of him myself.
Great.
It was to help you that I studied Chinese medicine;
hoping to heal you.
Lucky for you, I've learnt something.
Dad, is the medicine ready?
What are you doing?
I wash my feet with this.
Excellent.
I don't want it.
Drink up.
What's this?
Herbal medicine, handed-down prescription.
Shut up.
It cures anything and everything.
I don't want it.
Good boy,
Drink up.
Go on, I'll help you.
Drink up.
Good boy. Drink up.
You'll need acupuncture next.
I don't want to play.
Don't go.
I don't want to play.
He needs acupuncture?
Screw you all!
Go ahead.
I'll blow your cover.
Don't hush me.
Give me a thousand, and everything's okay.
Okay your ass.
I'll choke you to death.
Choke you to death.
I'll kill you.
Mom's the best in the world.
Orphans are the poorest kids.
Pay me and I'll be a good brother.
Screw you.
Miss Li, he's not my younger brother.
We are half brothers.
He's not mentally retarded, he's a sex maniac.
I'll give you a shave.
We'll earn a quick dollar in this show.
He pays me and I'm okay.
This is a trap.
It's a deal then.
You seem to be one happy family.
Of course...
Hey kid brother, you keep taking my
banknotes as toys, give them back.
Where's the other one?
That's my Lai See money.
It's not yours.
Who cares?
I will keep it safe for you.
Take your medicine and rest.
Rest.
Take good care of my brother.
I'm off, bye.
Bye.
Go and make some money, she can take care of me.
Let's go inside.
I want a bath.
I'll get the water ready.
Let's play Q&A,
shall we?
Great!
One plus one equals...
Three.
Correct.
Whom do I like most?
Me.
And who do you like most?
You.
What's your favorite food?
Milk.
The best love hotel?
Nongnong.
I know you!
You're Fei Changfan from night school.
No, I'm not.
Hot water.
Cheap!
Don't be angry.
I... just want to see you.
Dad, I need to take a dump.
Go inside.
You're the real Lai Hama.
I can't believe you two.
Miss Li...
You wrecked this yourself.
Is that so?
Your son robbed me so much money,
tell him to pay me back.
Or I'll deep fry you,
and you'll suffer.
Work as a dancer here,
and you can see her often.
You can hold and hug her all you want.
You can hold her by the waist.
You can do whatever you want.
You have such a sick mind.
I'd be happy just to hold her hand.
Go on then.
And I'll touch other places.
Wait up.
Taking advantage of me, damnit!
Don't flatter yourself.
Who do you think you are?
Plenty of girls throw themselves at me.
I've just viewed the tape.
When I pushed you away,
your tongue was like this.
You flirted with me first.
You're shameless.
Watch out! I'll cut yours off!
Let me fix your tie.
Beibei.
I heard that you're an entire different person
off screen.
Really? Is that what they say about me?
Vicious attacks with no base.
That woman is good.
I'm warning you,
Don't insult my dream girl.
Or I'll cut yours off.
I don't believe it, go on then.
I know you wouldn't believe me.
Alright, I'll cut yours off then.
We're off.
Thanks.
Bye.
Rotten man!
Son of a bitch! Taking advantage of me!
I forgot something.
Your hair is a mess.
Good thing you ran fast.
Yer, lucky for you.
Don't be mad, Beibei.
Have a cup of tea.
It's you again! Fat boy!
Get lost in a second!
Fine!
Ah Wah
What?
He'll wear this in the next dancing scene.
Tell him to wear this.
Are you all set?
Yes.
Some itching powder for you.
Where's she?
Fat boy, where's the mad cow?
Where's she?
You're despicable.
Hurry, the director's getting impatient.
Ah Wah, hurry and get changed.
This is too big, I don't want it.
I'll wear my own.
Which one then?
Mr. Production Assistant, what should I wear?
This one.
Hurry.
Thanks.
15 seconds.
Look.
Oh no! He's not wearing it.
Who's wearing it then?
Let's see who's the unlucky one.
Itchy! I can't take this.
Itchy! Ltchy!
Are you alright?
It hurts!
Call an ambulance.
Are you alright?
You've broken my bones!
Are you crying?
Of course not.
Sorry.
What for?
It's my own problem.
It's just itchiness.
I put itching powder on it.
It was you!
I wanted to play a trick on Ah Wah,
but you put on his clothes.
Anyway it worked out well,
he's in the hospital now.
I'm off.
Don't be angry.
When are you free? Let's go for a coffee.
A coffee?
I don't know when I'm free.
How about tomorrow?
So soon?
I've a facial appointment tomorrow.
Come on, we'll watch a movie, then dinner,
we'll go for a drive after dinner,
and we'll go to a disco.
So it will be late?
I sleep early.
Fatty, you're scared of me, aren't you?
Don't pretend.
Do you have to be so direct?
There're many people here,
could you be more romantic?
Fine... give me your number.
It's 7191551
My number, call me.
What are you doing?
I love a cup of hot coffee...
The moon looks like a slice of lemon, hanging high.
The two of us,
taking a stroll in the moonlight.
And the moon...
What is your problem?
I haven't been out for a while,
I'm just excited,
that's why I sang and danced.
Why don't you go dancing in a strip club?
So that Beibei,
is she going to convince Li Chuhong?
The party host is her friend,
she said she will help you.
Never mind that,
just sing a love song to her.
She will be moved.
I don't know those songs.
I know the old ones from 1920s.
Just repackage it, no problem.
Repackage?
Why are you here so late?
Beibei, they are my friends.
My mentor Tan Yulun.
Fei Changfan, He Matong.
And she is?
Ignore her, she's a Martian.
Chuhong is over there, let's go.
Go...
I'm honored that you would
help out at my campaign committee.
Sir, you're a bold member of the Legislative Council.
You speak out the minds of the citizens.
I'll support you to the end.
Why don't you have dinner at my place,
and we'll further discuss my platform.
Sure, any time.
Lots of babes!
Knock yourselves out!
It's buffet time!
What about me?
Go sing, I'm going fishing.
Over there.
Hello.
Hi.
Hong, my boyfriend Xin Jiejing.
Right, this is Fei Changfan.
And he is He Matong.
We've met.
What's your name?
Where were we, Mr. Cao.
Dinner.
I'm going to sing.
I love my younger sister.
I love her.
You are papaya and milk.
I am banana and watermelon.
Oh my goodness!
Are you trying to make me laugh?
What do you have in mind?
I...
How come you know this kind of old song?
What? This is new!
It used to be very well-known.
I just want to apologize to you.
Chuhong.
Forgive him.
He's very sincere.
Thanks.
Alright, I'll accept your apology,
but that's all.
Let's go, Mr. Cao.
Alright, bye.
What now?
Follow her.
I'm busy.
What are you doing here?
Why can't I be here?
It's a private party.
No one would kick me out anyway.
No more stutter?
You don't like it?
Where's BB? Who's taking care of him?
What?
Dad, mom, come here.
My friend Matong.
Uncle.
Hello.
Have fun, see you later.
Auntie.
What are you doing?
It's one thing that you're here,
but you brought your parents too?
My dad is the president of this club.
This is his party.
Sorry?
Fanny said you're a good guy,
take good care of her.
I...
Have fun, let's go.
Can you tell me what happened?
I don't have lisp.
BB's not my son.
He's my chauffeur's son.
I don't get it.
I have a rich dad,
I'm his only child.
He worries that others will take advantage of me.
That's why he told me to take
the subway to work everyday, you understand?
Hello, you know me.
A foreigner who can't speak English.
Fat boy, you can't speak Cantonese properly.
Do you know me?
You must know me.
Nut case.
You know me.
Do you like my swimming suit?
Do you have to wear one?
Look! So little cloth!
What are you doing?
Why are you acting like this?
Go dive.
Dive for three hours.
I don't know how to.
You must, go!
Go!
Funny? Come here.
Come here.
Swim over here.
Now I'll count to ten.
This is diving.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty...
twenty six, twenty four, thirty six...
twenty six, twenty four...
thirty six, twenty six.
Eighteen, nineteen...
You do the dive on your own.
Sorry, are you alright?
I'm fine.
Bull's eye!
Do you need to go to see a doctor?
What for?
It's a Japanese name.
I've a Japanese name too.
Sashimi, Toyota.
Has anyone told you that
you have sexy eyes?
Really?
Has anyone told you that
you have a sexy body?
Mr. Fei, you are a blue collar?
Sorry, I don't have a maid.
I wonder what's your opinion
on Hong Kong's politics?
It's all empty talk.
No sense regarding the society at all.
Oh yeah?
Let me tell you, when I was in elementary school,
I scored 90
What about high school?
I didn't go to high school.
I pushed my teacher into the toilet bowl
in 5th grade, I got kicked out!
You're so rude!
So what? Ass-kisser.
What do you mean?
He's a faggot.
Could you be more respectful?
What for?
He doesn't respect me.
That's right.
Miss Li,
I don't like to talk to those who are uneducated.
Let's go over there.
Damn you!
Making fun of me?
You're way out of line!
What? So was he!
That's right.
Who told you to speak?
It's the truth.
Shut up.
You hit me?
So what?
Fine, I hate you.
I hate you my whole life.
Let's go.
Where are you going?
Lucky you!
I think this is love at first sight.
Me too.
Great! Together we will make sparks!
I think I've fallen in love.
Then we'll have a love fest.
We'll go to your love nest,
sleep in the love bed,
and do what we love to do.
You can do whatever you want.
Give me back my pants...
Your problem is you're too soft,
there's no fire in you.
The only way to make you a real man,
is to add fuel to the flames.
Look.
Green pepper, red pepper...
black pepper, white pepper.
Chilli powder, curry powder...
the hottest the better,
the hottest the better.
Boil 3 buckets of water condensing it to one bowl.
Drink this.
What's this? It looks scary.
I guarantee you will have the fire afterwards.
No, you drink it.
Fine, I'll show you.
Great! Drink up.
No...
That was fun beating that guy up.
He was asking for it.
Get out of the way!
It's that fat boy!
Beat the hell out of him.
What's the big deal?
You should have run for your life!
Eat shit!
Do you know who I am?
You're the fat boy who's about to get beaten up by us.
That's right.
What?
He's got back up?
What are you looking at?
Haven't you seen me before?
What's your name?
My older brother is called Xin Yifen (washing soap)
My grandfather is called Xin Yiji (washing machine)
Never heard of them.
They could be someone important that we don't know.
Let's make him to recite a poem.
Alright.
I only know one poem.
We're listening.
Listen up.
"Jingle, jingle, little star."
"How I wonder what you are."
"Up down up down in the sky."
It's English.
The mafia.
Better not offend the mafia.
Let's drop this.
Sorry...
Wait, don't walk around and beat people up.
Don't swear at people.
Turn around if you see me, got it?
A stamp for each.
Remember.
Xi Jiejing?
What are you doing here?
Too woo you.
You want me to beat you up?
How dare you yelling at me?
I yell at you,
but it doesn't mean that I don't love you.
Get out!
Shut up.
I'll move in tomorrow.
I'll give you money for family expenses.
I'll pay for your pocket money.
But I won't pay your parents.
Well said.
The more you love someone,
the harder you'll beat him.
OK.
I love you so much.
You deserve a good beating.
Hello, Xi Jiejing.
Tan Yulun.
Is it settled?
Yes, I'm so tired.
I've stamped her.
I love that you beat me up like this.
Move in and we can fight everyday.
Someone could get killed.
Cao Zhuli, Cao Zhuli...
He is acting fair and resonable.
Please vote for Cao Zhuli.
Fei Changfan, he's got lots of support.
So what?
Thanks.
Thanks for your vote.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's invite Mr. Cao for a speech.
Thank you very much everyone.
Today I'm facing an underdog,
I should really give my time
to the citizens who need me more.
But in order to thank you
for your tremendous support,
and to thank my opponent Fei Changfan
for having such great excellent sportsmanship.
He knows that he'll lose but
he's still here to campaign.
That's why I'm meeting you here.
Thank you.
Dear brothers and sisters,
seniors and juniors.
I'm Fei Changfan.
Today I'm vying for the post of Neighborhood President.
I'm not here for the neighborhood,
nor am I here for the welfare of the society.
And definitely not for my fellow country men.
I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.
I'm here to woo someone.
She's the lady who stands besides Cao Zhuli,
Miss Li Chuhong.
I like her very much.
Not only because she's smart,
virtuous and good hearted.
She's a great figure, and very pretty.
Especially when she smiles.
She's keen on public welfare,
that makes me keen too.
Yes, I'm an idiot.
I'm an idiot in love.
Well said...
Thank you.
Chuhong, I take this chance to tell you,
I love you to death.
I know I haven't even graduated elementary school,
I am inarticulate.
But after I've met you.
I bite my tongue when I'm chatting with others.
I fight with others.
And I'd break the table
when I'm setting the table.
I understand you might not be moved.
But I feel better
now that I've told you.
Standing here, I promise you and everyone,
that if I win today.
I'll get all my friends' help
to improve the safety of this neighborhood.
If people are fighting,
I'll force them to take it elsewhere.
If anyone bullies around,
I won't let him get away.
If anyone tries to assault the ladies,
I'll castrate him.
If there's a robbery,
I'll confiscate the money and we'll split it.
What do you think?
Bravo...
Thank you.
We've counted the votes.
You have the same as his.
One minute left.
I know.
Mr. Cao, it's a tie.
Have you voted?
Vote for me, only 30 seconds left.
Chuhong.
I really love you, Chuhong.
Vote for me, only 10 seconds left.
Hurry up.
I don't want to force you to do anything.
You can vote whoever you want.
But I want you to know that,
I'm serious about you.
I really love you, Chuhong.
Vote for me.
Hurry.
I win!
Good for you.
I didn't know that you'd stoop so low...
as to tell me that you love me just for my vote.
Listen.
Don't bother, there's nothing more to say.
Don't say anything.
You've voted for him.
Because he's a better candidate for the job,
that's why I voted for him.
But as for myself, I've voted for you.
From now on,
I won't attack the others' bum,
because I can attack any part of you.
Listen...
Great news.
We can go out tonight.
Busy. We've a date.
You rotten kids.
Don't come me for help another time.
Yulun.
What? You're fighting for the loo with me now?
Find yourself a spittoon.
No, my mom told me to go home to eat.
It's my grandma's death anniversary.
You should go.
Don't come back if it's late.
Home alone tonight! Great!
Yuki
Come on in.
No lights?
Oh, I forgot to pay my electric bill.
It's fine! This is more exciting.
Really?
Your bed is sexy.
Your duvet is sexy.
You're the sexiest.
It doesn't matter whether I'm sexy or not,
as long as you are.
I like the way you look.
Why did you blow out the candle?
Catch me if you can.
Little slut.
You aren't going anywhere.
Gotcha!
I've struck gold!
You smell great.
Your skin is so smooth.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm half dead, half alive.
I cannot refrain from continuing.
More? No.
It's late, your wife's coming back.
Get dressed.
Right.
Happy birthday...
She...
What? Who?
Who's that woman?
So annoying, what do you see this time?
A woman behind me?
I think your sickness is getting worse and worse.
Too bad we're the only people here,
no one could be the witness.
Otherwise, I would...
Happy birthday.
Excellent.
You can be my witnesses.
Is there a woman up there?
On the stairs
On the stairs?
Of course.
There's a woman.
They can all see,
do you see a woman?
Great, you're cured.
There's a woman on the stairs.
Thank you, Madam Yuki.
She's cured.
Madam Yuki, come here.
Madam?
That's right.
Yuki is a well-known psychiatrist from Japan.
She told me to take her here,
to check if there's any negative energy in the room.
There's a dead cockroach on the bed,
a dead gecko at the end.
A fat guy in bed.
Three negative sources.
That's why you're making up all these stories
about me fooling around, that I've mistresses.
Lucky for you.
If there's one more centipede,
you'd become mentally retarded.
Really?
Of course.
I don't believe it.
Watch your woman, Fei Changfan.
I'm sorry, she's my boss now.
I don't believe it.
Who told you to speak?
Thanks.
But I don't believe it.
And you two?
We don't believe it.
Mad.
You heard?
Tell me.
Do you trust me?
Don't listen to him.
Don't be influenced.
I trust you.
That's right.
I'll see you out, madam.
Why?
What's wrong with you?
You told me that no one's home.
I didn't know that she'd celebrate my birthday.
Don't you know it's your birthday today?
Since I've met you,
I could barely remember my last name.
Really? I love you so much.
Call me.
Sure.
Bye...
Call you? Dream on.
Better get rid of her soon, she's trouble.
Morning.
Hello
A woman called just now.
The usual.
Tell her I'm not here before the programme.
Tell her I'm recording during the programme.
Tell her I'm gone after the programme.
The same applies to loan sharks.
Play this one first.
What now?
What have you got yourself into?
Fatal attraction?
Of course not!
No one would dare to.
Hello all, it's time for Love Pain Killer.
Let me take the first call.
I'm Tan Yulun, you are...
You're heartless, why won't you answer my calls?
Hello... hello. Sorry, the line got cut.
Let's listen to a song.
When Things Go Awry by Alan Tam.
What's wrong with you?
Why did you transfer the call in?
It was a man's voice.
Hey, there's a woman calling all
the radio stations
claiming that you dumped her.
What's wrong with you?
The gossip columns will look into this.
What the hell's wrong?
Our station has a good image,
you've given me so much trouble.
She's nuts!
We've only played video games.
I don't care, just settle this.
Miss, I beg you.
Please don't play these games.
It's because you won't take my calls.
What do you take me for?
I'm not a disposable wet towel.
Yuki, what do you want from me?
Kick her out!
And come live with me.
I wish that, but I've got my reasons
I can't kick her out.
What reasons?
She's got cancer.
Cancer?
What kind?
Breast cancer.
Her tits are tiny, breast cancer?
Basically she has no tits;
What she has now...
are cancer lumps.
I'm friends with her.
Although I don't love her anymore,
I still wish that
she could live happily in her last year.
You don't love her anymore?
I don't want to get into this.
If you really love me...
Wait for me for a year.
Three years the most,
she will die sooner or later.
How do you know when she'll die?
Do you want me to ask her?
That's easy.
When will you die?
Move away, grandma.
I have breast cancer?
Who told you to come here?
What? You don't trust me?
Do you know that it's even worse than having
breast cancer if a guy isn't respected?
I...
Stop bullshitting.
Shut up, turn around, start walking.
Catch a bus at front,
cook something at home,
get the bath ready.
What about her?
What? What about her?
You think I'm having an affair with her?
I'm Tan Yulun.
I'm not the singer Alan Tam.
And get this right.
She's from a good family.
Yuki, tell her that
there's nothing going on between us.
If you consider sleeping twice together
is nothing.
You two slept together?
I slept with you too.
Are you a maiden?
Yes.
Alright then.
Drop the act.
I called her here, sit.
Did I tell you to sit down? Sit.
Let me tell you,
I have your baby.
I won't get an abortion.
I'll carry this baby.
You must settle this,
either you kill her,
or you kill me.
You're crazy! Stop playing.
Or we could commit suicide together.
This one is sharper, just one slit!
Stop it.
It will hurt, that's the way to go.
Fine.
Tell me,
do you want her or me?
Me of course.
I'm young, pretty, rich and with a good figure.
What about you?
I can cook.
He said your cooking is terrible.
I can do laundry.
He said you often ruin his clothes.
I love him.
He doesn't appreciate your love.
Yulun.
I won't say anything if you fool around outside.
But you've brought this plaything home.
What plaything?
Tell her
that you love only me.
Tell her that you love only me.
You love me...
Fine! I don't love either of you.
I'm getting out of here.
Tan Yulun.
"Tan Yulun an ass"
That's him.
Bitch.
If I see her,
I'll teach her a lesson.
Hello
Shit!
Hey, are you done?
You might not have done anything,
but you've a hateful appearance, bad manners,
terrible behaviors, everyone should stay away.
Say that again.
Say that again and I'll slit my wrist.
Fine! Fine.
You're pretty, energetic and sweet.
You young thing.
Virtuous, gentle, happy birthday, wish you prosperity
Braised Pig Knuckle, Fish in Bean Sauce.
Garlic...
Calm down.
If I slit the artery, with my weight...
it will take 75 minutes to lose my blood.
Don't! I have to get back to the radio station soon.
Calm down.
Slitting the wrist isn't...
I'll let you do your show first.
But if I don't see you here
15 minutes after your show.
I'll take 200 sleeping pills,
trying to gas myself and hang myself.
I picked this red dress especially for you.
After I'm dead,
I can haunt you everyday.
Stop it, it's scary.
Also,
I'll keep the cassette tape recording
of our first date.
After we're dead.
People at the radio station will broadcast it,
and our names will live on.
See you later, or I'll see you in a few nights' time.
Here you are.
Yuki, don't do anything stupid.
I beg you.
Why is it so dark here?
I like it dark.
Don't say anything, I understand.
Our love happened suddenly,
and it will fade out quietly,
we shouldn't take it personally.
Good that you understand.
Let's drink this parting wine.
We'll end on a good note.
Sure.
Drink it, you think it's poisoned?
No.
A cockroach, that was close.
Good wine.
The flowers are dying, too bad.
You aren't happy, breaking up is not painful.
I'm happy.
What's that?
Poison.
Not even a moron would drink, if I put it in the wine.
You... are wicked.
You won't be able to talk.
You'll feel numb,
you can't move.
Your whole face and body will become stiff.
Trying to leave me?
You'll never be able to leave me.
I'm going to kill you.
Cut you into pieces,
store your flesh in the fridge, and I'll eat you up.
And you'll become mine forever.
Don't move, I never liked fat boys,
and I was duped by you.
I have to kill you to ease my anger.
I forgot something.
Your flesh is tough,
it will take hours to stew.
Right, I'll need a pressurized cooker.
Wait for me, I'm going shopping.
I'll be back soon.
Wait for me.
What is it?
I am blind, I can't see.
Speak up.
You forgot to close the door?
Stupid.
Slammed the door on me.
Good that you're blind.
I can talk!
Help! Murder!
She's gone?
It's my fault.
I've never treated her probably.
We've been together for 12 years.
She's been really nice to me.
Like a maid.
If I'm broke,
she would steal from her mom.
If my clothes have holes,
she would steal clothes from her dad.
I've given her nothing.
I never remember her birthday.
I've only given her one bouquet in a decade.
And I took that in a wake.
She treasured it and put it in a vase for a few days.
My ancestors,
if you pity me,
let this be a dream.
I'm dreaming.
When I wake up,
everything's back to normal.
And Youkong's cooking breakfast for me.
Ancestors, if you pity me.
Am I dreaming?
Get up, it's time to eat.
It's just the same.
Unless you want it to be different?
No.
Drink.
Why are you hitting yourself?
Was I dreaming?
It wasn't real, everything's back to normal.
What is normal?
Shut up, mind your own business.
What do you want to do?
Now that everything's normal,
you take nothing has happened?
Right, if the ancestors pity you,
I take it as a dream.
Nothing happened.
We gave a lot of effort to convince her back.
Why?
I don't care, let her go.
Fine! Let's go!
Sure.
Don't.
Must teach you a lesson.
If you want her to stay,
guarantee you'll treat her right.
I can't say it in front of so many.
I'm losing face.
She's been losing face for 12 years.
And you can't do this for once?
Let me think about it.
Tan Yulun.
You want a woman or your face?
Woman of course.
We've been together for 12 years.
But I don't want to lose face.
You're an expert in wooing girls,
how could you lose to your own woman?
How can I face the others?
Made up your mind?
Help! Help!
A nut case is trying to kill me.
Don't come near me, you mad cow.
Help me!
What did you say?
What mad cow?
It's real.
It's her.
I can see only you.
Looks like you need to go to the doctor's.
Really? She wants to kill me.
It's all in your mind.
Stop jumping around.
No one's after you.
No one?
Of course not.
Just you and me.
What's the color of my pants?
White.
Black, you're mad.
I'm mad?
I can't see her.
I'm fine, I can't see anything.
Tell me.
Do you want me or her?
Her.
She's a thousand times better than you.
You're a mad cow!
So? Bite me!
Alright.
Cousin, when someone's nervous,
he will tell the truth.
Cousin?
Yes, Yuki's her younger cousin.
She studies psychology in the U.S.,
she's having a summer break here.
Having a summer break?
You were too nasty to Youkong before,
we despise your behavior.
That's why we set you up.
To teach a lesson that one's wife is always the best.
To be honest, I don't want to fool around,
...but she's too ugly.
Am I that ugly?
Actually you look pretty good today.
Just today?
What about the other night?
You said that I smell nice, my skin is smooth.
That I've made you half dead, half alive,
that you couldn't refrain from continuing...
How could you tell her?
That was me.
You assholes,
so you taught your teacher a lesson.
Teacher and students? Why bother?
The secret to success in wooing girls is...
Show them, Chuhong.
"Sincerity"
Is this real gold?
Hello.
Hi, Tan Yulun, I'm Doreena.
Shall we catch a movie and dinner tonight?
Sounds like a good plan.
But my wife is right next to me,
lower your voice.
Shall I pick you up?
Let me tell you, you are a slut.
Don't ever look for me again, go to hell!
Sweet heart!
Honey